No One is Listening

Photo credit: @brookecagle

Have you ever felt like no one is listening? And regardless of how many times you tell your story of loss and grief, you feel invisible and unheard?

Sadly, so many grievers feel this way.

The grieving often feel lonely and even if they find the courage to share, they feel no one is listening or cares.

We continue to live in what feels like a grief illiterate world. A world that is uncomfortable with sadness, grief, and pain. While family and friends want to help, they don’t always know what to say or do. It’s a challenge for them and instead of showing up and truly listening, it feels easier and safer to ignore it or walk away.

Some will try to help with the best of intentions only to give unwanted advice, encourage you to get over it, or attempt to cheer you up. As if looking at the “bright side” can push you right up and over the huge mountain of grief that now looms at the base of your now very different life.

But to feel like no one is listening is frustrating and it hurts. The emptiness and isolation runs deep for many grievers and in its simplest form, most grievers just need to feel validated, acknowledged, and heard.

The grieving will often take their grief underground. They suppress it and hide it for fear of making others uncomfortable and fear being judged. I get it and I have done plenty of hiding grief myself.

But here’s the thing. If we suppress and hide grief for too long, it will eventually demand to be heard. Grief will eventually rise up and if ignored for too long, it can show up in unhealthy ways - making a griever feel worse.

When someone repeatedly tells their story to anyone who will listen, it is often a signal that they still feel unheard. Stories of loss, grief, and pain are heavy and it’s human to need and want to share the things that happen in life and change so many things in extraordinary ways. So when a griever struggles to find a safe space to tell their story, it can become a heavy and overwhelming burden to carry.

But it happens all the time. Grievers feel stuck and unable to speak honestly about their pain. They need to tell their story but it can feel like no one wants to listen. Grievers tend to feel like no one wants to hear about it anymore. And especially if “too much” time has passed by.

Society is uncomfortable with grief and to make it worse we live in a busy, chaotic world. A world that struggles to slow down enough to really connect and engage with one another. People don’t have time to just sit and listen let alone when it comes to someone’s pain. People don’t want grievers to get their sad all over them and instead of listening, they try to talk them out of their grief and pain.

I know how hard this is. I know it hurts to feel like no one wants to listen to you or hear your story. Yet I know how important it is to be able to share it and grieve out loud.

Connecting with others and having the gift of good support after loss are powerful tools when grief becomes part of your life. Connection and having the ability to tell your story to those who get it and understand can make a huge difference desperately trying to reach the top of a mountain that feels impossible to climb.

I know it’s not easy. Nothing in and around loss and grief is. But it’s possible. You can climb the mountain even if it’s crawling one step at a time. And while it can be challenging to find good support and truly connect with others - know that there are so many people out there who have gone before you and carved a path forward after loss.

It’s not always family and friends. Sometimes it’s complete strangers who show up and truly listen. Sometimes it’s the people you least expect who get it and understand. Even if its sharing your story with an online community, a support group, a therapist or sharing it with me, it can be so therapeutic to talk about your loss and your grief.

Stories are powerful and when you find the courage to tell your story, it gives other grievers permission to do the same.

If you feel like no one is listening yet have the need to talk and share, start with me. Share with the online communities I have created or email me.

I know grief is a lonely journey and even when you have the support of others there are still parts of the process that you must do alone. But you are not completely alone. I’m here to listen. Your grief and your story matter to me.

Sending you lots of love. Always.

Michele

Instagram: @micheledeville Facebook: Dare to Grieve Email: grief@micheledeville.com