A devastating loss changes many things. It changes life in unexpected ways and it often changes who you are. Relationships change, values change, world views change, and perspectives change. The things that once held so much meaning and were so important shift and the grieving often find themselves living life after loss peering through a different lens.

With each and every loss I have faced over the years, I have changed a little bit more. And without a doubt, my perspectives are not the same as they once were. I look at life differently now and I look at life - in general - through a very different lens.

Looking at life and the world with grief colored glasses tends to pull back the curtains on the stage of life and nothing looks quite the same.

Honestly, that’s challenging for people. Change is hard and so many things look and feel different after loss. Change is inevitable but most human beings struggle to adapt to all of the changes that accompany loss and walk hand in hand with grief.

Accepting and adapting to what feels so unacceptable is a huge ask after loss yet people find themselves trying to do it every day. And whether one likes it or not, to accept and adapt are both important and necessary. Even when it hurts.

I’m on a riverboat in Southern France and yesterday marked the 3rd Mother’s Day without my mom. As I walked through yet another charming village, my mom was in my heart and on my mind. Nostalgia washed over me from the earlier years of my life and I missed my mom terribly. I wanted to call her and tell her about my trip. To tell her how thankful I was for her love and support through every stage of my life. To share the many lessons I learned from her and how I now look at life through a different lens - since her death.

I don’t look at the world in the same way as before. And I have a deeper appreciation for my mother’s life, who she was, and all she experienced over the years as a mother, grandmother, wife, and friend. And Mother’s Day hit me different this year.

My mom and I at my wedding party. Such a pretty lady and I miss her so much.

Being a mom myself, I now know the constant worry and unconditional love for my children - regardless of age. To observe them struggle with life’s joys and challenges while constantly wanting to help even when I can’t. I get it now and better understand the concern and worry my mom felt regardless of how old I was. And regardless of what was going on in my life, she continued to be my biggest cheerleader, supporter, and fan. Even in the last few years of her life, her unconditional love and support never stopped. And I want to do the same.

I now better understand the deep grief she felt when her own mother died. The loneliness, sadness, yearning and void. I have a much deeper compassion for how much she missed her mom and needing to pick up the phone to get her advice, chat, or just to hear her voice. Oh how I miss our daily phone calls and I would give anything to have more time with my mom.

And becoming a grandma or “Mimi” - wow. I now know just how deeply she loved her grandchildren. The joy and pride she felt as she held them and watched them grow. The desire to help and be there for them. To feel a grandchild’s unconditional love, pure joy, and excitement every time they get to hug and see you. My heart is full.

And looking back on my mom’s later years - I have so much more compassion for the many changes and yes sometimes struggles we as women go through with each stage in life. Getting older is a gift but it’s also hard in many ways. I have a deeper appreciation for her challenges, needs, and how precious the gift of time was to her.

I love hearing stories about her. How kind and caring she was. I love hearing about how my mom made a difference in the lives of so many people and how much her laughter, sense of humor, and kind heart is missed.

I often write about honoring our loved ones and how important it is stay connected to them long after they are gone. And as I found myself reflecting on her life yesterday, I was reminded that the best way to honor her on Mother’s Day and every day, is to keep trying to be the best parts of who she was. To be kind, loving, helpful, compassionate, funny, and to make a difference in the world as often as I can.

To slow down and be present. To take nothing for granted because there are no guarantees and life can change in one single moment in time. To let more things go and to not let the little things bother you as much. To forgive and make amends. To show up for your children and grandkids regardless of how old they are. And I also understand it’s important to be there for one another in later life - because the later years can be incredibly lonely at times.

And to be the best mom, mimi, wife, sister, aunt, and friend I can be.

My perspectives have changed and I do look through a different lens in part because of my moms life and her death.

Regardless of what lens you find yourself looking through, I hope you are able to find moments of peace today. Your grief matters and I would love to hear about your loved ones, your struggles, and how your perspectives have changed because of loss and grief.

Thank you mom. Thank you for being there for me and for teaching me so much about what truly matters in life. I miss you - every single day.

With love -

Michele