Grief is my Travel Companion

Photo credit: huchenme

Having a husband who owns a travel company is a gift. This is my third trip to Africa and much like the other two trips I’ve taken to this magical place, I’m blown away. I’m sitting on our deck at the Mala Mala camp soaking in the peace and quiet. Writing and watching in awe as animals are wandering by.

I fell in love with Africa when I first went to Kenya and Tanzania in 2017. And now as I experience South Africa for the first time, I’m falling in love with Africa all over again.

Honestly, it’s hard to put words to how I feel about Africa but for me, it’s life changing here. The people, the breathtaking beauty, the animals, sunsets, and the vast star lit skies remind me of just how small I am. There is so much more to this world than what I know and experience on a daily basis back home.

And for a moment it’s nice to forget about the chaos life can bring and to let it all go.

There’s nothing like riding in a open top jeep with the wind blowing listening to the silence. The nothingness out here. And then the nothingness turns into everything when a herd of elephants walk by. Or a stunning leopard and her 8 month old baby lay down right next to our jeep without a care in the world.

I’ve had a lot of time for reflection these past couple of days and one of the things I keep coming back to is grief and the human race. I saw a saying on a bus in Cape Town that said, “there is one race - the human race” and I couldn’t help but think that while everyone will grieve in their own personal way, grief doesn’t make us different from one another. There is no “divide” and grief is prejudice to no one.

When we open our hearts, grief can actually unite us with one another through our shared experiences with loss. Instead of creating more separation, grief can bring people together and it doesn’t matter if I’m in the states or in Africa, grief is everywhere. And we all have stories of loss that are so important to talk about and share.

When I was packing for this trip, I realized I don’t ever leave grief home. Grief travels with me wherever I go. It doesn’t matter what part of the globe I’m in or what continent I’m on, I’m always thinking about or writing about grief and I’m always holding space for my fellow grief travelers. I’m holding space for you.

Some will say that grief doesn’t last forever and it doesn’t have to become part of who you are. But for me, I have found the opposite to be true. I believe if the loss is big enough, grief settles into your heart and it does become part of who you are. Often for the rest of your life.

That doesn’t mean grief will always control you and it can soften with time. It’s possible for grief and joy to co-exist and the human heart is big enough to carry both.

Even in Africa and all of its wonder, grief has touched me and moved me to both smiles and tears. And I’m okay with that. Grief isn’t my enemy but rather it’s become a trusted friend. I know grief will guide me through what can be dark and troubled waters when loss finds its way to my door. And depending on the loss, love and grief are deeply intertwined.

Africa reminds me that even when we have come to know deep grief, it’s still possible to experience moments of joy. To smile. To laugh. To breathe in all that life still has to offer even when loss has stripped us of the things we care about and love. There’s still beauty in the world even when life can be so dark and ugly.

Regardless of where you are in the world, the sun always sets and it will rise again the next morning. It’s a chance to keep moving and to try again. Even when life has knocked you down.

Is it easy? No. Is is possible? Yes. And I completely understand that depending on the loss and where you are at in your own personal journey of loss and grief, you may be struggling to hear or imagine any of this right now.

I’m not sugarcoating how challenging and difficult the journey of grief is. I’ve experienced some very dark seasons in life. Seasons when it was a struggle to keep moving and get out of bed. But I want people to know and remember that life still has so much to offer even when loss has turned it upside down.

Yes life will look and feel quite different after a heartbreaking loss. Yes you may always feel a sadness or the sting of a deep void. But it’s possible to integrate the loss into your life with time. To rebuild around the void and find purpose and meaning again.

I know I’m very lucky to be in Africa right now but I try to grieve well and live well no matter where my journey has taken me in life. With each and every difficult loss, it takes time, grace, hard work, support and it’s always a challenge to get to a place where I find moments of joy and peace. But eventually I find my way forward and choose to keep going and live the best life I can.

Grief is my travel companion and I now take it with me wherever I go. Instead of ignoring it or leaving it behind, I have learned to embrace it and let it walk beside me through every experience and regardless of where I am in the world.

There will be bad days and perhaps for a while, but it’s my hope you will get to a place where you feel the love more than the pain. A place where you can see more light than darkness. More beauty than the ugliness that so often distracts us around the world.

I’m sending you love, light, and compassion from Africa today. I am thinking about you and holding space for you. Always.

With love -

Michele XOXO